Praise God

Brain scan came back clear. Whew. What a relief. I don't think I can spare any brain cells up there anyway. My poor brain has been fried from chemo a time or two. That was a big praise.
 I am going to see an opthomologist to figure out why my eyelid wants to stay a little lower than the other one. It's frustrating when your body doesn't behave, isn't it?
 Well, these bodies are perishable, but someday, because of Jesus, we will have imperishable(is that a word) bodies. Awesome. No more sickness. Til then we all keep pushing on and fighting the fight, right? I know I am. Sometimes, it is hard to keep up the fight, but I have a lot to fight for.
Tomorrow is Sarah's sixth grade graduation. She is not happy about wearing a skirt, but I think we came to an agreement about wearing leggings under the skirt. I also go tot the heart Dr to get results of echocardiogram to see if my heart is getting stronger. I think it is a little bit but I certainly don't feel I've made a huge improvement. We shall see.
 Well, I just wanted to share my results. Hopefully I will get over to MDAnderson in Orlando before too long, to get a second opinion, and maybe receive treatment there. I've heard wonderful things about it. The Moffitt Center in Tampa is just too far to go to again, and I feel like with this new diagnosis, I want to make sure we get some other options and opportunities to treat this bugger of a disease.
 We all appreciate your prayers and support. Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend. Love, Joann

The Healer

Hi folks, I am doing, meh...
I had my 6th chemo, and it is tougher than any other chemo that I have had.
Trying to keep my chin up.
Not a long post today, just wanted to let you know that I am keeping my faith in my Healer, Jesus Christ.
The Dr. appt last week was difficult.  Even though I have known since Feb., that this round with cancer is very bad, and I may not beat it: it's like a punch in the stomach to hear it from the Dr. again.
I'm getting pretty worn out. "le sigh"
I am thankful and I will continue to praise Him for my blessings, because they are many.
Jimmy graduated from High school last weekend, Sarah graduates from elementary school, and Charlie is looking forward to get more involved in the High school band and other ensembles.
Then there is my sweet husband, whom I just can't get enough of.  Sure, we have our issues, but things are so much better when he is near.  That is one of the hardest things to think about.. he's my best friend.
Well, we are all sick in this house , too with the runny nose, sore throat, cough thing too, but it makes for a cozy family.
This is the last week of school for the two youngest and then it's sleep in time!
Today I had a brain MRI to check and see if cancer has moved to  my brain.  i had one three months ago and all was clear, but i have a droopy left eyelid and the Dr. was concerned. They prescribed two valiums for me this morning. One for an hour before and one right before, and I can't seem to shake the wooziness off.  I think it's a bit of depression though.  Tomorrow I should get results...
I'm not sure how I will handle any more bad news, but i know how I handle good news..much prettier sight!  God will give me sufficient grace to handle whatever comes.  I know this.  Til then, adieu.

Crickets

Sorry I have not posted anything in a while.  Things have been quiet and I had a tough time with the last chemo.
It is a painful drug, but I am praying it works and learning to leave it on Jesus' lap.  Im a visual person, so I picture my worries about my health in a big box and putting it on His lap.  Every now and then, I find I've got a hold of it again, so i go back and put it on His lap, again.  I wish i could leave it there.
I'm also learning about praising Him in all situations.  When fear or doubt or depression start to grab me, I thank Him for blessings, my children, this day or His goodness. You know what?  It works, but its a continual thing.  Some people are so strong in their faith, and can lay it all down.  Oh how i wish I was that strong.  I don't know why I am such a fearful person, but I suppose God is working on that. Oh I how I pray to be at peace with my life. Someday..
Everyone hear at the Rootsey home is pretty well.  Hmmm, well, they could be better.  Jimmy and Charlie have had a bit of a cold. Rick is with Charlie at the clinic now.  Jimmy is back at school taking finals.  He graduates on Fri!  Wow, my baby.
OK, that's another blessing to thank the Lord for.
Sarah's class went to Islands of Adventure for their big 6th grade field trip.  No more kids in elementary school. She's' off to Middle school!  Rick and I chaperoned and it was great.  That was a lot of walking I tell ya! But worth every step.
Mothers'Day was great.  My sister, Dawne, who is down here in FL, my Mom and I went out for a wonderful brunch on the beach.  Then did a little shopping.  I got some sparkly silver shoes by Tom's.  Snazzy, and blinding in the sunlight.
My 6th chemo is on thursday.  I try not to be "blech" about it, but it's "belch", but it is working.  Hopefully the TDM1 drug will be released soon.  I put  a link to the petition on my sidebar, but you can also google it.  Great results for women with a Her2 positive cancer like me.
This is sort of a boring post, so I am going to end it.  Thanks for checking in.  We are all well, and I am thankful for your prayers as always.  I'll do a good post after my chemo.  I have some thoughts i need to get settled in my head.
Love,
Joann

Good News

More shrinkage of tumors in lungs. Not sure how much because I do not like to look at the scans. It heebs me out. Still staying on Abraxane for a while, at least til the summer. It's doing it's job. Thanks for your prayers. Not feeling up to writing much. Talk to you later Joann

Does God Speak? Yes!

Does God speak to us? Yes!  In several different ways, but to me He speaks  when I stop complaining, close my mouth, and am quiet in prayer.  A few times, I am sure, He has used a pad of paper to get my hand writing His promises to me.  There are a few people that I know have heard His voice, perhaps not a loud booming voice, but a definite , without a doubt, "hey , this is God, so listen", sort of experience.  Cool, right?  Sometimes, when  I am at a loss, I will find a scripture in one of my devotionals, and wham-o, there He is.  I will  then go to my Bible and find that scripture so I can read it in it's context, but, sometimes, that scripture or verse or message is just enough to get me through the next little while, and that's all I need.  He doesn't take the fear or anxiety away for ever, here on this Earth, but He is always there, for me/you to go back to, and comforts every time with something new.  It's Daily Bread, or Manna, or in my case, I usually look for that bread quite often during the day.
There has been one time, though, when He wrote me a letter.  Sounds weird, right?  It was wonderful.  Although God is always speaking to us, and wants us to push forward.  I know that He wants me/us to remember those intimate times when He did something amazing, and was so close that I could hear the words in my ears, and with a calm heart, got those words on paper.
I would like to share  the letter with you.  First, I will tell you that I know without a doubt, these words were not mine.  I sat quietly, in a terrible sadness, and prayed for Him to comfort me and speak.  I was going through...you guessed it, cancer testing a year or two ago, and I was at a loss and terribly frightened.  I had to shut my mouth, stop telling Him what I wanted and just listen. I put my head down on my journal and the words started coming to me. In my hand, a pen wrote so fast, I could hardly keep up.  When He was done speaking, what I read was so beautiful and loving and true, I had a good 'ol cry and praised Him.
 Like I said, I need to move on, and still ask Him to guide me and speak to me and to listen to Him, so I try not to re-read the letter that often, because His word is new every day, and I am not the same person I was when He gave me this letter.  But it feels so good to read it and remember.
Long winded Joann, again, but I just wanted to explain myself.  He will talk to you too, if you quiet yourself and listen.  I think it takes practice because our brains don't want to be quiet, but try it.  You can tell when it's Him, because the words are loving, and scriptural and don't sound a bit like us.  Always test His words with the Bible.  He will always agree with scripture.  He can't lie.  That's how you will know if it is you or Him.
Well, here goes.  I hope this blesses you and His truths in this letter apply to you as well.

Here's the scripture that popped into my head from Him.
2 Corintians 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it  obedient to Christ.
Then the letter

You are walking with me.  I will walk you through this.  Trust in me and me only.  Do not lean on your own understanding.  The things of this world will pass away.  i tell you to believe what you have heard from those I have sent to you.  Have no fear, because fear is not from me.
I want you to have peace and joy abundantly.
The prince of this world (Satan) wants to ruin that peace and joy, but He will not says the LORD 
God Almighty.
You are mine. You are sealed with my seal.  The Cross of the Lamb that was slain.  All your days are in my hand.  You stay in my Word, I will speak to you every time you ask and humble yourself.  Shut out the noise of this world and listen to me only.  
Your children will be blessed.  They are mine and mine for ever.  Rick is my servant and I love him more than you do.  I have him in my hand for my glory.   I have spoken to you so that you may know I am He who gave you life and chose you from the corner of the world.  I am the LORD Almighty. Have no fear mighty warrior, your days are blessed.


Well, that was my letter.  I love it. I'll tell you something, this new journey that He has me on is really tough.  I feel like I can't win, but I am looking at my circumstance through my eyes, not through His.  Not through the light of Christ and what He has done for me. He knows the beginning and the end, and He tells me not to fear, and that I am a warrior.  I really like that.  I have head knowledge about all this but often not the heart knowledge.  sigh.

I love that He mentions my children and my husband.  They will be blessed and they are in His hand.  What a comfort.  We are on this journey together as a family and my heart aches for them.  Oh, how I wish our path was different, but God has done wonderful things with my kids and I am grateful for that.  Their faith is growing and their trust in Him is getting stronger, and I am grateful, and I can only imagine how Rick will be used for His glory.

Tomorrow, I have another CAT scan, and I am nervous, as usual.  To be sure, I will rely on Him to get me through the waiting process for results.  I also have thyroid Dr. appt and chemo this week.  But ...
I'm so excited that I will be able to see Charlie in a Spring concert at school on Thursday, and enjoy Sarah's Spring Fling at school this Friday.  In a few weeks, Jimmy will be Graduating.  There is much to give praise for.

Waking up in the morning, can be a nasty snap back to reality. (I have very exciting dreams, a lot of flying around involved).  This morning, all the worries flooded back quickly and I asked The Lord to show me something, so I glanced at my email and saw this scripture.
2Cor5:1
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the Heavens.

It's followed by a nice message that I will share below.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog.  I hope you can learn to have some quiet time with The Father, and hear His voice and understand His love and promises for you.
Please pray for good results that tumors in lungs and liver are still shrinking and also for strength. I'm pretty tired ( or Lazy).  I appreciate it as always.
Much Love,
Joann

From Streams in the Desert

The owner of the tenement which I have occupied for many years has given notice that he will furnish but little or nothing more for repairs. I am advised to be ready to move.
At first this was not a very welcome notice. The surroundings here are in many respects very pleasant, and were it not for the evidence of decay, I should consider the house good enough. But even a light wind causes it to tremble and totter, and all the braces are not sufficient to make it secure. So I am getting ready to move.
It is strange how quickly one's interest is transferred to the prospective home. I have been consulting maps of the new country and reading descriptions of its inhabitants. One who visited it has returned, and from him I learn that it is beautiful beyond description; language breaks down in attempting to tell of what he heard while there. He says that, in order to make an investment there, he has suffered the loss of all things that he owned here, and even rejoices in what others would call making a sacrifice. Another, whose love to me has been proven by the greatest possible test, is now there. He has sent me several clusters of the most delicious fruits. After tasting them, all food here seems insipid.
Two or three times I have been down by the border of the river that forms the boundary, and have wished myself among the company of those who were singing praises to the King on the other side. Many of my friends have moved there. Before leaving they spoke of my coming later. I have seen the smile upon their faces as they passed out of sight. Often I am asked to make some new investments here, but my answer in every case is, "I am getting ready to move."
--Selected

PS  from Joann I'm not nearly ready to "move", so don't worry.  I just liked this as an allegory.

Steady my Heart

      The Lord does steady my heart, miraculously.  I heard this song , last night at our Women Of Hope group at church.  Thank you so much to our group leader, Gina, for being such a wonderful servant and leading us calmly though these tough times, and sharing hope with us.  

This song gave me such comfort.  I am in the palm of His hand and He is the one who calms me down.  Even if it is only for a bit, He is always there, every time I need Him. 

      Yesterday was difficult for me.  I was thinking about all the mistakes I've made and perhaps, not staying on top of my health condition as I should've.  The guilt and regret was overwhelming yesterday.  Yet, I know this is not His will for me, to be looking backwards, and wondering what could I have done differently.  He wants me to look forward, and fight the fight and run the race set before me.  

Sometimes I feel I am writing these words to convince myself, but I know these truths are deep inside me.  The Lord has shown me and taught me His love and care for me.  I've got to put it into action in this life I am living, and trust Him.

      It reminds me of when I was a little girl, and I was so afraid of the water, particularly pools.  I was okay wading in the water, but when it came to jumping in a deep part, when my Dad was standing there asking me to trust him, that it would be ok, and he would catch me.  Well, I was so afraid that something would happen and he would let me go under.  It took so long for me to trust him, but he always caught me.  It wasn't, just a one time deal.  It seems like every time we would go swimming and he asked me to jump in, I was back at square one, with knees knocking and tears rolling down my cheeks.  

He would patiently stand there, for however long it took, until I took the plunge and he caught me, and then he would swim around with me holding tight around his neck, and I felt so safe.  Eventually I was able to jump in on my own, but it took a long time.  I still am not that big of a fan of water, and don't like to go underwater.  Hmmm, some fodder for therapy there...

     Anyway, God is standing in the water patiently waiting for me to take a leap into His arms.  He is tirelessly patient with me.  Perhaps that is why my illness has been hanging around for 11 yrs.  He is waiting for me to totally trust Him.  One difference is that I realize I will never be able to jump in without His arms catching me.  I can't do any of this cancer stuff without Him.  It's too much.  It's too hard.

     I think that's how He wants it though.  He wants the fear of the plunge to disappear but not my dependence on Him.  I am thankful for that.  My Lord and Savior, Jesus,  will never let me go under the water, and always be there to catch me, and delightfully carry me around through this life.

Here is a beautiful song by Kari Jobe that we listened to last night at church.  

http://youtu.be/BJi_7f1cpbk

Thanks for reading this post. I hope the song blesses you today. Love, Jo

PS.  Here is our Devotional written by Gina, from last nights mtg.

I think it applies to everyone even if they are not battling an illness.
April 16, 2012

(next meeting May 7th)

Song: “Steady My Heart” By: Kari Jobe
WOMEN OF HOPE ‘TRUTH’...........sometimes I don’t understand

Luke 24:45 (NIV) “Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.”
     Have you ever thought you understood something only to find out you weren’t even close? Have you ever wanted to understand something yet you knew there was a mental or emotional block that kept you from grasping a concept or from being able to see something in a different light? That can be frustrating, because ‘we just don’t get it.’ I was thinking about this passage in Luke 24 as I was preparing for Easter; it’s about Christ’s resurrection. But I couldn’t help but think how closely some of the scriptures applied to my own life when I was diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment.

•     Luke 24:30-31 (NIV) “30When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.” Jesus was right there with them in his glorified body and they didn’t recognize him! Many times during my cancer journey the Lord had to “open my eyes” and remind me he was there. He was right in the middle of my confusion, my pain and my fear.
  
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•    This scripture has become a prayer now and I routinely ask God to open my eyes that I might see him and my mind that I might understand his word and see how it applies to my daily life. I know that unless God opens my mind to his word, I may miss something and not even know it and unless he opens my eyes I may not be able to see him at work in my life.
  
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•    A personal example of this is Psalm 23. I’ve read it often prior to being diagnosed with cancer. But now it’s real to me, I think I understand it better. It’s been 3 years since my cancer diagnosis, yet when I read Psalm 23 now, it’s as though I just discovered it! 4”Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me.” At first, I couldn’t see Jesus in my valley (cancer). It didn’t seem like he was there......until he opened my eyes...... He helped me see that he was right there with me, sometimes even carrying me! 5”You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” God opened my mind to see the table (feast) he was preparing for me before my enemy (cancer). What an amazing thought; God will prepare a feast right before our enemy’s eyes! He didn’t remove my enemy in the way I expected, but he “opened my mind” to his word so I could understand how it applied to me personally. That became a feast for me. I can still taste that feast today! I am forever changed because Jesus took the initiative in my life when I was at my lowest place. Just like in Luke 23 when Jesus was crucified for my sins so I could be forgiven and have a relationship with God. He was the one who took the initiative. In Luke 24 Jesus was resurrected and had his glorified body, but the disciples were still thinking about his crucifixion and death. They were still trying to connect the dots then Jesus “opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.” Such grace he gives to weak people like us that he would help our limited minds grasp eternal truths!
  
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•     Let’s let Easter last a little longer this year, meditate on these scriptures and join me in praying this prayer often...Lord, open my eyes so that I can see you no matter what I am facing.......open my mind so that I can understand your word and see how applicable it is to me today! 
  

My Mother

Where to begin to describe my Mother?  I have no clue, so I will jump right in with what first comes to mind. Strong, unshakable, loving, quiet and steady.  I have always known my Mom, Joan,  to be a strong woman. From way back, when I was little, I thought she was the most beautiful woman with her blond up-do or bun, or braid that wrapped around her bun. When she put on her nurses uniform, she was so lovely in all her white. I loved when she would take me to her bowling team on Tuesdays, when I had a half-day of school, and even grocery shopping with her every Friday.
 She was so busy, with all of her kids, but even when she was not working or cleaning, her hands where always doing something. Knitting, crocheting or sewing dresses.  I did spend a lot of time with my Dad because my Mom worked at the Hospital from 3 til midnight. Her work ethic was and is,  impeccable. I remember when she would get a lift to work, on a neighbor's snow machine, to the Hospital because she was needed, during the Blizzard of '78.
My Mom is  not overly expressive in her love like my Dad was,  but her love has always been a constant certainty, although she is getting a bit mushier( Is that a word?). Regardless, she has always been a comfort to be around, as I have said before, being with her is like sitting by a warm fire.
 I have very fond memories of her letting me help her make pies during the holidays, and letting me be creative in the kitchen sometimes, making butterscotch or other goodies.  I remember one strange raisin pie I made for a neighbor.  As for me being a little kid, I was a real pip. Sort of spoiled, well, make that plain old spoiled.  I didn't like to clean up and was just this side of naughty. But, seriously, who can stay mad at a little girl with curly hair called JoJo?
 Growing up , she taught me, or attempted to teach me how to sew, crochet and knit. I am left-handed so my projects were not very fruitful. But, she would try again, with craft projects, making Christmas ornaments, or bunny hats for the new babies being born at the Hospital Nursery .
 As a teenager,  I was brainless, and unnappreciative. Not realizing how hard she was working, I would go to bed and leave the dirty dishes in the sink. I regret to this day the sound of her coming home at midnight cleaning up.
I never really remember my Mom being overly emotional or teary-eyed. I suppose that's because her maiden name was Schultz, therefore being German somehow. I only remember standing on a footstool, and having her hugging me and crying when she came home from a vacation with Dad, when my brother David, died in a car accident. I remember her holding on to me and me asking her why she was crying. Other than that, she was always level headed, until her menopause hit , then, watch out. But thats a different story.
 Since I have been diagnosed with cancer, I can see in my mother her softer side. particularly when she was caring for my Dad as he was ill and eventually passed away. I was amazed by her strength and energy and her capacity to handle tough times with Dad, yet still take care of everything, with a house full of grown children, up in Maine.  She amazed me and still does.
She has been caring for me for so long, and her touch and hugs are so warm and comforting.
From encouraging me through the delivery of my two boys, and flying out to NV to help me when Sarah was born, to listening to me cry about my illness and trying to keep me calm.
Since this last diagnosis she has been with me every chance she gets, and I see and even more caring facet of her.   The look in her eyes,  as she helps me deal with bad news and good news, is so beautiful and unexpressible of a Mothers Love.
 I mean the woman is 83, give her some props! My Mom has the most beautiful blue eyes, and today as she greeted me this morning and those eyes where so clear and lovely and she looked ageless. I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to spend this time together, even though it is tough on us and bittersweet.
 I love to hug her and share thoughts with her. Our relationship is still very much one of Mother and Daughter, but changing as we face challenges together. There's no way to ever express my thankfulness, love or appreciation to her. She is so remarkable. As my sister, Dawne and I say,"We have the best Mom". There's so may things I could thank her for. Sitting quietly on a hard chair waiting for me to recover from heart cath, while her knitting needles click-clacked.
 I am rambling, but I had such a lovely day with her,today, and the look in her face now when she says good-bye and I love you, makes me so happy.
 I am so thankful to the Lord for her, and can only pray to be as caring, giving and strong as she has been. Thanks for letting me gush a bit. She deserves so much more. Perhaps a poem, but I am super awful at poetry. I just wanted to attempt to express my love a gratitude for such a wonderful Mom.
 I love you, Mom, forever and always.
JoJo