Friday, April 27, 2012

Good News

More shrinkage of tumors in lungs. Not sure how much because I do not like to look at the scans. It heebs me out. Still staying on Abraxane for a while, at least til the summer. It's doing it's job. Thanks for your prayers. Not feeling up to writing much. Talk to you later Joann

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Does God Speak? Yes!

Does God speak to us? Yes!  In several different ways, but to me He speaks  when I stop complaining, close my mouth, and am quiet in prayer.  A few times, I am sure, He has used a pad of paper to get my hand writing His promises to me.  There are a few people that I know have heard His voice, perhaps not a loud booming voice, but a definite , without a doubt, "hey , this is God, so listen", sort of experience.  Cool, right?  Sometimes, when  I am at a loss, I will find a scripture in one of my devotionals, and wham-o, there He is.  I will  then go to my Bible and find that scripture so I can read it in it's context, but, sometimes, that scripture or verse or message is just enough to get me through the next little while, and that's all I need.  He doesn't take the fear or anxiety away for ever, here on this Earth, but He is always there, for me/you to go back to, and comforts every time with something new.  It's Daily Bread, or Manna, or in my case, I usually look for that bread quite often during the day.
There has been one time, though, when He wrote me a letter.  Sounds weird, right?  It was wonderful.  Although God is always speaking to us, and wants us to push forward.  I know that He wants me/us to remember those intimate times when He did something amazing, and was so close that I could hear the words in my ears, and with a calm heart, got those words on paper.
I would like to share  the letter with you.  First, I will tell you that I know without a doubt, these words were not mine.  I sat quietly, in a terrible sadness, and prayed for Him to comfort me and speak.  I was going through...you guessed it, cancer testing a year or two ago, and I was at a loss and terribly frightened.  I had to shut my mouth, stop telling Him what I wanted and just listen. I put my head down on my journal and the words started coming to me. In my hand, a pen wrote so fast, I could hardly keep up.  When He was done speaking, what I read was so beautiful and loving and true, I had a good 'ol cry and praised Him.
 Like I said, I need to move on, and still ask Him to guide me and speak to me and to listen to Him, so I try not to re-read the letter that often, because His word is new every day, and I am not the same person I was when He gave me this letter.  But it feels so good to read it and remember.
Long winded Joann, again, but I just wanted to explain myself.  He will talk to you too, if you quiet yourself and listen.  I think it takes practice because our brains don't want to be quiet, but try it.  You can tell when it's Him, because the words are loving, and scriptural and don't sound a bit like us.  Always test His words with the Bible.  He will always agree with scripture.  He can't lie.  That's how you will know if it is you or Him.
Well, here goes.  I hope this blesses you and His truths in this letter apply to you as well.

Here's the scripture that popped into my head from Him.
2 Corintians 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it  obedient to Christ.
Then the letter

You are walking with me.  I will walk you through this.  Trust in me and me only.  Do not lean on your own understanding.  The things of this world will pass away.  i tell you to believe what you have heard from those I have sent to you.  Have no fear, because fear is not from me.
I want you to have peace and joy abundantly.
The prince of this world (Satan) wants to ruin that peace and joy, but He will not says the LORD 
God Almighty.
You are mine. You are sealed with my seal.  The Cross of the Lamb that was slain.  All your days are in my hand.  You stay in my Word, I will speak to you every time you ask and humble yourself.  Shut out the noise of this world and listen to me only.  
Your children will be blessed.  They are mine and mine for ever.  Rick is my servant and I love him more than you do.  I have him in my hand for my glory.   I have spoken to you so that you may know I am He who gave you life and chose you from the corner of the world.  I am the LORD Almighty. Have no fear mighty warrior, your days are blessed.


Well, that was my letter.  I love it. I'll tell you something, this new journey that He has me on is really tough.  I feel like I can't win, but I am looking at my circumstance through my eyes, not through His.  Not through the light of Christ and what He has done for me. He knows the beginning and the end, and He tells me not to fear, and that I am a warrior.  I really like that.  I have head knowledge about all this but often not the heart knowledge.  sigh.

I love that He mentions my children and my husband.  They will be blessed and they are in His hand.  What a comfort.  We are on this journey together as a family and my heart aches for them.  Oh, how I wish our path was different, but God has done wonderful things with my kids and I am grateful for that.  Their faith is growing and their trust in Him is getting stronger, and I am grateful, and I can only imagine how Rick will be used for His glory.

Tomorrow, I have another CAT scan, and I am nervous, as usual.  To be sure, I will rely on Him to get me through the waiting process for results.  I also have thyroid Dr. appt and chemo this week.  But ...
I'm so excited that I will be able to see Charlie in a Spring concert at school on Thursday, and enjoy Sarah's Spring Fling at school this Friday.  In a few weeks, Jimmy will be Graduating.  There is much to give praise for.

Waking up in the morning, can be a nasty snap back to reality. (I have very exciting dreams, a lot of flying around involved).  This morning, all the worries flooded back quickly and I asked The Lord to show me something, so I glanced at my email and saw this scripture.
2Cor5:1
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the Heavens.

It's followed by a nice message that I will share below.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog.  I hope you can learn to have some quiet time with The Father, and hear His voice and understand His love and promises for you.
Please pray for good results that tumors in lungs and liver are still shrinking and also for strength. I'm pretty tired ( or Lazy).  I appreciate it as always.
Much Love,
Joann

From Streams in the Desert

The owner of the tenement which I have occupied for many years has given notice that he will furnish but little or nothing more for repairs. I am advised to be ready to move.
At first this was not a very welcome notice. The surroundings here are in many respects very pleasant, and were it not for the evidence of decay, I should consider the house good enough. But even a light wind causes it to tremble and totter, and all the braces are not sufficient to make it secure. So I am getting ready to move.
It is strange how quickly one's interest is transferred to the prospective home. I have been consulting maps of the new country and reading descriptions of its inhabitants. One who visited it has returned, and from him I learn that it is beautiful beyond description; language breaks down in attempting to tell of what he heard while there. He says that, in order to make an investment there, he has suffered the loss of all things that he owned here, and even rejoices in what others would call making a sacrifice. Another, whose love to me has been proven by the greatest possible test, is now there. He has sent me several clusters of the most delicious fruits. After tasting them, all food here seems insipid.
Two or three times I have been down by the border of the river that forms the boundary, and have wished myself among the company of those who were singing praises to the King on the other side. Many of my friends have moved there. Before leaving they spoke of my coming later. I have seen the smile upon their faces as they passed out of sight. Often I am asked to make some new investments here, but my answer in every case is, "I am getting ready to move."
--Selected

PS  from Joann I'm not nearly ready to "move", so don't worry.  I just liked this as an allegory.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Steady my Heart

      The Lord does steady my heart, miraculously.  I heard this song , last night at our Women Of Hope group at church.  Thank you so much to our group leader, Gina, for being such a wonderful servant and leading us calmly though these tough times, and sharing hope with us.  
This song gave me such comfort.  I am in the palm of His hand and He is the one who calms me down.  Even if it is only for a bit, He is always there, every time I need Him. 
      Yesterday was difficult for me.  I was thinking about all the mistakes I've made and perhaps, not staying on top of my health condition as I should've.  The guilt and regret was overwhelming yesterday.  Yet, I know this is not His will for me, to be looking backwards, and wondering what could I have done differently.  He wants me to look forward, and fight the fight and run the race set before me.  
Sometimes I feel I am writing these words to convince myself, but I know these truths are deep inside me.  The Lord has shown me and taught me His love and care for me.  I've got to put it into action in this life I am living, and trust Him.
      It reminds me of when I was a little girl, and I was so afraid of the water, particularly pools.  I was okay wading in the water, but when it came to jumping in a deep part, when my Dad was standing there asking me to trust him, that it would be ok, and he would catch me.  Well, I was so afraid that something would happen and he would let me go under.  It took so long for me to trust him, but he always caught me.  It wasn't, just a one time deal.  It seems like every time we would go swimming and he asked me to jump in, I was back at square one, with knees knocking and tears rolling down my cheeks.  
He would patiently stand there, for however long it took, until I took the plunge and he caught me, and then he would swim around with me holding tight around his neck, and I felt so safe.  Eventually I was able to jump in on my own, but it took a long time.  I still am not that big of a fan of water, and don't like to go underwater.  Hmmm, some fodder for therapy there...
     Anyway, God is standing in the water patiently waiting for me to take a leap into His arms.  He is tirelessly patient with me.  Perhaps that is why my illness has been hanging around for 11 yrs.  He is waiting for me to totally trust Him.  One difference is that I realize I will never be able to jump in without His arms catching me.  I can't do any of this cancer stuff without Him.  It's too much.  It's too hard.
     I think that's how He wants it though.  He wants the fear of the plunge to disappear but not my dependence on Him.  I am thankful for that.  My Lord and Savior, Jesus,  will never let me go under the water, and always be there to catch me, and delightfully carry me around through this life.
Here is a beautiful song by Kari Jobe that we listened to last night at church.  

Thanks for reading this post. I hope the song blesses you today. Love, Jo

PS.  Here is our Devotional written by Gina, from last nights mtg.

I think it applies to everyone even if they are not battling an illness.
April 16, 2012
(next meeting May 7th)
Song: “Steady My Heart” By: Kari Jobe
WOMEN OF HOPE ‘TRUTH’...........sometimes I don’t understand

Luke 24:45 (NIV) “Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.”
     Have you ever thought you understood something only to find out you weren’t even close? Have you ever wanted to understand something yet you knew there was a mental or emotional block that kept you from grasping a concept or from being able to see something in a different light? That can be frustrating, because ‘we just don’t get it.’ I was thinking about this passage in Luke 24 as I was preparing for Easter; it’s about Christ’s resurrection. But I couldn’t help but think how closely some of the scriptures applied to my own life when I was diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment.
  •     Luke 24:30-31 (NIV) “30When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.” Jesus was right there with them in his glorified body and they didn’t recognize him! Many times during my cancer journey the Lord had to “open my eyes” and remind me he was there. He was right in the middle of my confusion, my pain and my fear.
  •  
  •    This scripture has become a prayer now and I routinely ask God to open my eyes that I might see him and my mind that I might understand his word and see how it applies to my daily life. I know that unless God opens my mind to his word, I may miss something and not even know it and unless he opens my eyes I may not be able to see him at work in my life.
  •   
  •    A personal example of this is Psalm 23. I’ve read it often prior to being diagnosed with cancer. But now it’s real to me, I think I understand it better. It’s been 3 years since my cancer diagnosis, yet when I read Psalm 23 now, it’s as though I just discovered it! 4”Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me.” At first, I couldn’t see Jesus in my valley (cancer). It didn’t seem like he was there......until he opened my eyes...... He helped me see that he was right there with me, sometimes even carrying me! 5”You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” God opened my mind to see the table (feast) he was preparing for me before my enemy (cancer). What an amazing thought; God will prepare a feast right before our enemy’s eyes! He didn’t remove my enemy in the way I expected, but he “opened my mind” to his word so I could understand how it applied to me personally. That became a feast for me. I can still taste that feast today! I am forever changed because Jesus took the initiative in my life when I was at my lowest place. Just like in Luke 23 when Jesus was crucified for my sins so I could be forgiven and have a relationship with God. He was the one who took the initiative. In Luke 24 Jesus was resurrected and had his glorified body, but the disciples were still thinking about his crucifixion and death. They were still trying to connect the dots then Jesus “opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.” Such grace he gives to weak people like us that he would help our limited minds grasp eternal truths!

  •     Let’s let Easter last a little longer this year, meditate on these scriptures and join me in praying this prayer often...Lord, open my eyes so that I can see you no matter what I am facing.......open my mind so that I can understand your word and see how applicable it is to me today!