You turn my Morning into Praise(not a grammatical error)

Psalm 30:11

King James Version (KJV)

¹¹ Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
Let me explain.
This morning when I finally got up out of bed, and made the rounds to the kids room to check on them, seeing who was still asleep and who was playing video games, I figured now was as  good a time as any to get in the shower.  Believe me, I can put it off for hours.
I have had a bad couple of days physically and emotionally.  I'll tell you about that later.
Into the shower I go.  Hot water feels so good on my achy joints and I also like to pray in there.  Something about the water.  Well, there was a lot to pray about.  Selfishly, I will admit, I was topping the list. Everything hit my brain at once; pain, worry, fear, sadness, anger...everything.  Thinking to myself " I hate how I feel and my circumstances".  I was ready to give the Lord my laundry list.  Then all of sudden I starting singing the Great Doxology.  "Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below".  For the briefest moment I thought, "where the heck did that come from?".  "Joann, it's the Holy Spirit singing praises, since you are not able too."
I am sooo not kidding you!
I have to sit on a little seat in my shower because I get wobbly, and I take long hot showers.  You know showers are not as much fun when there is no hair to lather.  But still, I usually drain the hot water heater. But I digress.
I continued to sing, which was cool, on one hand because my voice is so scratchy I haven't been able to sing for a while, I just mouth the words; and on the other hand, it sounded pretty good in the shower.    In all honesty, I think I'm tone deaf on my Mother's side. Don't tell her.
Tears were pouring and I just sat there with the Holy Spirit, that the Lord has placed in my soul when I gave my life to Jesus, singing away
Now, I realize if you are not a believer in Christ and His atonement on the cross for our sins, you may think I'm crazy or weird, that's ok.  It all makes sense when you open your heart to the Lord, read His word, and accept it.  It's not hard, but it can be if you make your heart hard towards Him.
I believe the Bible is the Word of God.  The Old Testament God is the same one as the New Testament God. It all fits together
People in the Old Testament atoned for their sins through the blood of a perfect animal, but it didn't last. It didn't erase the sin, it only covered them.  To be in the presence of Almighty God, you have to be sinless and we are not, not matter who you are, sorry.Wake up!
God really didn't like the blood of all these animals, He found no joy, but He was preparing a way to atone for the sins of all of us, once and for all.  Past, present and future.  Just because you say you are a Christian does not imply that you think you are perfect, we all still sin and have that sin nature and are so far from perfect.  The difference is we admit we are sinners, accept Christ's sacrifice and live a new life, following Him.  He paid for it all on the cross through His death and resurrection. His Grace is amazing. We are cleansed of our sins, and will be able to be in  the presence of the Lord, when He brings us home to be with Him.
God put on flesh and walked the Earth for thirty three years, blameless, sinless, perfect and spotless, more perfect than the animals could ever be that were sacrificed in the Temple.  He was God in flesh. He taught amazing truths. His birth was different. We are all born with a sin nature handed down through the first man, that's why Jesus did not have an earthly father.  Come on people, if He can create something out of nothing, He can easily have caused Jesus' mother to become pregnant without a man.  It takes faith to believe these things, for sure, but once you have faith, just ask for it, you can't deny the truth. Our God is three in one. Amazing and not that easy to understand, but it's true.
Long winded.
 My point was to tell you that I was so awestruck when the Holy Spirit, that was placed in me, began to sing in the midst of my sorrow and despair and pain.  He was placed in my heart, and He knows the groanings of my soul, and sang a song to praise the Lord, lift me up and relieve my sadness.
I forgot about my pain, drained the hot water again, and sang.  And I know it pleased my Lord.
Email me or respond to this blog if you have a question or if you disagree with me.  I am no Bible scholar, I only know what I know, but I can find out answers, I've got some good teachers.
I love you all.  I am still praying for my healing.  The last treatment of Abraxane was horrible.  Pain in every joint and incredible fatigue and discouragement have been my undoing this week.  Hands and feet are numb, and heart an lungs are very stressed.  I am going to a different Dr this week, in Orlando to see if I can receive a new drug called Pertusamaub(sp) that I can't get here.  My heart issues may exclude me from it, but I am praying my heart will surprise the Dr and I can get that drug.
I've thought a bit about..nope not going to talk about that yet.
I'm going to continue to be amazed by my experience today, love on my children, watch my back pool enclosure be destroyed ( addition going up) and remember to sing praises to The King of Kings.


Romans 8:23-27New International Version (NIV)23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

What's Up with That?

  I can not get that song out of my head.. I don't usually watch SNL but there is a skit where this fella sings "What's Up with That?"  and it always runs through my head when I look at my left eye.  The lid has been lower than the other one for a couple of months now.  My Dr. sent me to an opthomologist after sending me for an MRI to check and see that the cancer had not moved to my brain.  All is clear up there so far, only my fried ol' brain cells hanging on.
It turns out there is something called Horner's syndrome that can occur when people who have cancer in their lungs or nodes in the chest area.  Apparently the tumor can push on a nerve making the eyelid drop.   Weird! What is up with that?

Of course I got freaked out because when a Dr. should mention the word "lesion" or "tumor" I want to get the heck out of there. I got pretty upset. Once she realized there are tumors in my lung she put 2 and 2 together, but I still have to follow up with it. Perhaps a trip to Miami is in our future.
 Welcome news was received that my heart function rose from 22% to about 44%. No more Life Vest, (not that it was getting worn anyway).  That sucker got sent back via UPS a few days ago. So long and good-bye! It's a good sign my heart is getting stronger, but a little more energy to exercise would be great.  Soon...
My cardiologist seemed more relieved than me. God bless him.
 The 7th chemo treatment is scheduled for this Thursday and although it's a bitter thing,  I am thankful. It is painful and causes neuropathy in my hands and feet, so there has been a lot of dropping things and tripping a lot, but we can deal with it. I am not sure what Dr. S will prescribe after the 8th treatment but there is a new drug that is being released on June 8th that may help me. It's not the TDM1 drug that a petition was started for, but it is promising. There is a group on FB called Our Her2 struggle, and they have been raising awareness of the TDM1 treatment that is being slowed down in Congress. They are working so hard. God bless them,too.

Speaking of which, a letter from Congressman Bill Posey arrived in the mail today, and it didn't feel like it was a form letter. I wrote and emailed and called both offices, describing my situation  to try to help move things along. Anyway, it was a nice letter, and it made me feel quite happy and hopeful to get it. We shall see.
School is out and Sarah is at a little graduation party with a bunch of girls around the corner. I should really go over there to help, but she wore me out today shopping for an outfit for my niece's wedding in a few weeks (run on sentence). She does not like to wear anything but jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers, so it was very challenging to find a shirt and skirt. Now to figure out shoes.
I'm going through a series of the blues every so often,(a lot).and just have to repeat scripture, or when nothing comes to mind,  remember  the Lord is telling me how much He loves me and it calms me down. How blessed I am that He loves me so. My body and face are so different now, and when I walk by the mirror I forget what I look like.  It's a shock. It may sound shallow, and I don't think I've ever been very vain, but it's a real downer to look so ill and feel it. In the morning there is some talking myself into putting makeup on and trying to work with what I've got. I've lost a lot of weight, and with no breasts, and bald headed, scars in lots of unfortunate places, I look... not too terrific.  It's the enemy talking to me when I take a close look in the mirror and think, "sick and dried up", "wearing out", "go back to bed". Some days,  the enemy wins, but more often I listen to the Holy Spirit who says, "do it", " get moving". My husband and kids never blink an eye at my appearance,  except when I try too hard or wear my wig (which I love, but it creeps them out).
 I was reading about the Proverbs 31 woman, and boy do we all fall short of her, but remember that "charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" At the end of the day, that's what I really want.
So, what up with that? What's up with the eye, and the flat chest and bald head and scars? Not much. My Lord is in control and He's not worried and He sees me already perfect like His Son. How wonderful.

Praise God

Brain scan came back clear. Whew. What a relief. I don't think I can spare any brain cells up there anyway. My poor brain has been fried from chemo a time or two. That was a big praise.
 I am going to see an opthomologist to figure out why my eyelid wants to stay a little lower than the other one. It's frustrating when your body doesn't behave, isn't it?
 Well, these bodies are perishable, but someday, because of Jesus, we will have imperishable(is that a word) bodies. Awesome. No more sickness. Til then we all keep pushing on and fighting the fight, right? I know I am. Sometimes, it is hard to keep up the fight, but I have a lot to fight for.
Tomorrow is Sarah's sixth grade graduation. She is not happy about wearing a skirt, but I think we came to an agreement about wearing leggings under the skirt. I also go tot the heart Dr to get results of echocardiogram to see if my heart is getting stronger. I think it is a little bit but I certainly don't feel I've made a huge improvement. We shall see.
 Well, I just wanted to share my results. Hopefully I will get over to MDAnderson in Orlando before too long, to get a second opinion, and maybe receive treatment there. I've heard wonderful things about it. The Moffitt Center in Tampa is just too far to go to again, and I feel like with this new diagnosis, I want to make sure we get some other options and opportunities to treat this bugger of a disease.
 We all appreciate your prayers and support. Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend. Love, Joann

The Healer

Hi folks, I am doing, meh...
I had my 6th chemo, and it is tougher than any other chemo that I have had.
Trying to keep my chin up.
Not a long post today, just wanted to let you know that I am keeping my faith in my Healer, Jesus Christ.
The Dr. appt last week was difficult.  Even though I have known since Feb., that this round with cancer is very bad, and I may not beat it: it's like a punch in the stomach to hear it from the Dr. again.
I'm getting pretty worn out. "le sigh"
I am thankful and I will continue to praise Him for my blessings, because they are many.
Jimmy graduated from High school last weekend, Sarah graduates from elementary school, and Charlie is looking forward to get more involved in the High school band and other ensembles.
Then there is my sweet husband, whom I just can't get enough of.  Sure, we have our issues, but things are so much better when he is near.  That is one of the hardest things to think about.. he's my best friend.
Well, we are all sick in this house , too with the runny nose, sore throat, cough thing too, but it makes for a cozy family.
This is the last week of school for the two youngest and then it's sleep in time!
Today I had a brain MRI to check and see if cancer has moved to  my brain.  i had one three months ago and all was clear, but i have a droopy left eyelid and the Dr. was concerned. They prescribed two valiums for me this morning. One for an hour before and one right before, and I can't seem to shake the wooziness off.  I think it's a bit of depression though.  Tomorrow I should get results...
I'm not sure how I will handle any more bad news, but i know how I handle good news..much prettier sight!  God will give me sufficient grace to handle whatever comes.  I know this.  Til then, adieu.

Crickets

Sorry I have not posted anything in a while.  Things have been quiet and I had a tough time with the last chemo.
It is a painful drug, but I am praying it works and learning to leave it on Jesus' lap.  Im a visual person, so I picture my worries about my health in a big box and putting it on His lap.  Every now and then, I find I've got a hold of it again, so i go back and put it on His lap, again.  I wish i could leave it there.
I'm also learning about praising Him in all situations.  When fear or doubt or depression start to grab me, I thank Him for blessings, my children, this day or His goodness. You know what?  It works, but its a continual thing.  Some people are so strong in their faith, and can lay it all down.  Oh how i wish I was that strong.  I don't know why I am such a fearful person, but I suppose God is working on that. Oh I how I pray to be at peace with my life. Someday..
Everyone hear at the Rootsey home is pretty well.  Hmmm, well, they could be better.  Jimmy and Charlie have had a bit of a cold. Rick is with Charlie at the clinic now.  Jimmy is back at school taking finals.  He graduates on Fri!  Wow, my baby.
OK, that's another blessing to thank the Lord for.
Sarah's class went to Islands of Adventure for their big 6th grade field trip.  No more kids in elementary school. She's' off to Middle school!  Rick and I chaperoned and it was great.  That was a lot of walking I tell ya! But worth every step.
Mothers'Day was great.  My sister, Dawne, who is down here in FL, my Mom and I went out for a wonderful brunch on the beach.  Then did a little shopping.  I got some sparkly silver shoes by Tom's.  Snazzy, and blinding in the sunlight.
My 6th chemo is on thursday.  I try not to be "blech" about it, but it's "belch", but it is working.  Hopefully the TDM1 drug will be released soon.  I put  a link to the petition on my sidebar, but you can also google it.  Great results for women with a Her2 positive cancer like me.
This is sort of a boring post, so I am going to end it.  Thanks for checking in.  We are all well, and I am thankful for your prayers as always.  I'll do a good post after my chemo.  I have some thoughts i need to get settled in my head.
Love,
Joann

Good News

More shrinkage of tumors in lungs. Not sure how much because I do not like to look at the scans. It heebs me out. Still staying on Abraxane for a while, at least til the summer. It's doing it's job. Thanks for your prayers. Not feeling up to writing much. Talk to you later Joann

Does God Speak? Yes!

Does God speak to us? Yes!  In several different ways, but to me He speaks  when I stop complaining, close my mouth, and am quiet in prayer.  A few times, I am sure, He has used a pad of paper to get my hand writing His promises to me.  There are a few people that I know have heard His voice, perhaps not a loud booming voice, but a definite , without a doubt, "hey , this is God, so listen", sort of experience.  Cool, right?  Sometimes, when  I am at a loss, I will find a scripture in one of my devotionals, and wham-o, there He is.  I will  then go to my Bible and find that scripture so I can read it in it's context, but, sometimes, that scripture or verse or message is just enough to get me through the next little while, and that's all I need.  He doesn't take the fear or anxiety away for ever, here on this Earth, but He is always there, for me/you to go back to, and comforts every time with something new.  It's Daily Bread, or Manna, or in my case, I usually look for that bread quite often during the day.
There has been one time, though, when He wrote me a letter.  Sounds weird, right?  It was wonderful.  Although God is always speaking to us, and wants us to push forward.  I know that He wants me/us to remember those intimate times when He did something amazing, and was so close that I could hear the words in my ears, and with a calm heart, got those words on paper.
I would like to share  the letter with you.  First, I will tell you that I know without a doubt, these words were not mine.  I sat quietly, in a terrible sadness, and prayed for Him to comfort me and speak.  I was going through...you guessed it, cancer testing a year or two ago, and I was at a loss and terribly frightened.  I had to shut my mouth, stop telling Him what I wanted and just listen. I put my head down on my journal and the words started coming to me. In my hand, a pen wrote so fast, I could hardly keep up.  When He was done speaking, what I read was so beautiful and loving and true, I had a good 'ol cry and praised Him.
 Like I said, I need to move on, and still ask Him to guide me and speak to me and to listen to Him, so I try not to re-read the letter that often, because His word is new every day, and I am not the same person I was when He gave me this letter.  But it feels so good to read it and remember.
Long winded Joann, again, but I just wanted to explain myself.  He will talk to you too, if you quiet yourself and listen.  I think it takes practice because our brains don't want to be quiet, but try it.  You can tell when it's Him, because the words are loving, and scriptural and don't sound a bit like us.  Always test His words with the Bible.  He will always agree with scripture.  He can't lie.  That's how you will know if it is you or Him.
Well, here goes.  I hope this blesses you and His truths in this letter apply to you as well.

Here's the scripture that popped into my head from Him.
2 Corintians 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it  obedient to Christ.
Then the letter

You are walking with me.  I will walk you through this.  Trust in me and me only.  Do not lean on your own understanding.  The things of this world will pass away.  i tell you to believe what you have heard from those I have sent to you.  Have no fear, because fear is not from me.
I want you to have peace and joy abundantly.
The prince of this world (Satan) wants to ruin that peace and joy, but He will not says the LORD 
God Almighty.
You are mine. You are sealed with my seal.  The Cross of the Lamb that was slain.  All your days are in my hand.  You stay in my Word, I will speak to you every time you ask and humble yourself.  Shut out the noise of this world and listen to me only.  
Your children will be blessed.  They are mine and mine for ever.  Rick is my servant and I love him more than you do.  I have him in my hand for my glory.   I have spoken to you so that you may know I am He who gave you life and chose you from the corner of the world.  I am the LORD Almighty. Have no fear mighty warrior, your days are blessed.


Well, that was my letter.  I love it. I'll tell you something, this new journey that He has me on is really tough.  I feel like I can't win, but I am looking at my circumstance through my eyes, not through His.  Not through the light of Christ and what He has done for me. He knows the beginning and the end, and He tells me not to fear, and that I am a warrior.  I really like that.  I have head knowledge about all this but often not the heart knowledge.  sigh.

I love that He mentions my children and my husband.  They will be blessed and they are in His hand.  What a comfort.  We are on this journey together as a family and my heart aches for them.  Oh, how I wish our path was different, but God has done wonderful things with my kids and I am grateful for that.  Their faith is growing and their trust in Him is getting stronger, and I am grateful, and I can only imagine how Rick will be used for His glory.

Tomorrow, I have another CAT scan, and I am nervous, as usual.  To be sure, I will rely on Him to get me through the waiting process for results.  I also have thyroid Dr. appt and chemo this week.  But ...
I'm so excited that I will be able to see Charlie in a Spring concert at school on Thursday, and enjoy Sarah's Spring Fling at school this Friday.  In a few weeks, Jimmy will be Graduating.  There is much to give praise for.

Waking up in the morning, can be a nasty snap back to reality. (I have very exciting dreams, a lot of flying around involved).  This morning, all the worries flooded back quickly and I asked The Lord to show me something, so I glanced at my email and saw this scripture.
2Cor5:1
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the Heavens.

It's followed by a nice message that I will share below.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog.  I hope you can learn to have some quiet time with The Father, and hear His voice and understand His love and promises for you.
Please pray for good results that tumors in lungs and liver are still shrinking and also for strength. I'm pretty tired ( or Lazy).  I appreciate it as always.
Much Love,
Joann

From Streams in the Desert

The owner of the tenement which I have occupied for many years has given notice that he will furnish but little or nothing more for repairs. I am advised to be ready to move.
At first this was not a very welcome notice. The surroundings here are in many respects very pleasant, and were it not for the evidence of decay, I should consider the house good enough. But even a light wind causes it to tremble and totter, and all the braces are not sufficient to make it secure. So I am getting ready to move.
It is strange how quickly one's interest is transferred to the prospective home. I have been consulting maps of the new country and reading descriptions of its inhabitants. One who visited it has returned, and from him I learn that it is beautiful beyond description; language breaks down in attempting to tell of what he heard while there. He says that, in order to make an investment there, he has suffered the loss of all things that he owned here, and even rejoices in what others would call making a sacrifice. Another, whose love to me has been proven by the greatest possible test, is now there. He has sent me several clusters of the most delicious fruits. After tasting them, all food here seems insipid.
Two or three times I have been down by the border of the river that forms the boundary, and have wished myself among the company of those who were singing praises to the King on the other side. Many of my friends have moved there. Before leaving they spoke of my coming later. I have seen the smile upon their faces as they passed out of sight. Often I am asked to make some new investments here, but my answer in every case is, "I am getting ready to move."
--Selected

PS  from Joann I'm not nearly ready to "move", so don't worry.  I just liked this as an allegory.